When it’s okay to say “gay”, a flowchart

Ash Beckham delivered a very funny and persuasive presentation at Ignite Boulder in February about the pejorative use of the word “gay” to describe something that is neither homosexual nor happy. She advocates acceptance over tolerance, and argues that it takes a societal shift to help move toward the former.

You undoubtedly know people who use the word gay as a casual substitute for something they might normally describe as stupid, unfair, or annoying. Confronting them directly might be awkward, but if they happen to see this graphic crop up on your Facebook or Twitter feed, it might be just enough to do the trick.

In the words of Ash, “Societal change begins with small steps. Silence is consent, and we’re better than that. You have more influence than you give yourself credit for. When you can, say something, because in the end, it takes a Village, People.”

Watch Ash’s full presentation here:

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Just want the flowchart? Download it here.

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http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003057289735 John Smith

I am so tired of this, no one I know uses the word gay as a substitute for any word like; bad, stupid, lame, frustrating, etc. They use it to associate things with stereotypically gay iconography. For instance no one ever uses gay to describe a “bad,” outfit but they very easily might use it to describe someone wearing gold lame pants and a pink feather boa. I’m not saying it’s a good thing to do I’m just saying people need to stop this completely false campaign that people should stop using gay because “they really mean stupid.” No one does that.
- http://waldowsocial.com DJ Waldow
  
  My college roommate’s brother does. All the time. He uses “gay” as a substitue for anything he doesn’t like.
Mark Strange

Context matters a lot more then individual words. People need to learn to be respectful with what they say then what words are considered “bad.” Gay means homosexual, it also means Happy. It also means “sucks” given the context.
http://waldowsocial.com DJ Waldow

Really amazed (saddened?) by all of the negative comments on this blog post. Why do people have such a difficult time understanding that words DO matter? I honestly don’t understand why this is a tough concept to grasp. Maybe they have never been on the “wrong” end of hurtful words?

Would love to hear back from some of those who posted negative comments here. Don’t be shy. I don’t bite. Again, really just curious…
obsteve

Words change meaning. Get over it
- http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=501439595 Evan C. Paul
  
  That’s why instead of riding a bicycle, I ride a nigger. I mean, words change, so I should be able to use the word “nigger” however I please, right?
  - http://waldowsocial.com DJ Waldow
    
    Well played. Well played.
  - obsteve
    
    Yes, you can use the word Nigger however you please, but if you try a personal mission to change the meaning of a word you will just end up sound like a dick. Go on, ask me how a dick sounds…
  - curious
    
    how does a dick sound?
  - obsteve
    
    “Dong”
http://dbakeca.com Dbakeca Italia

good to know
Eric

Now, if only the mentally handicapped could express their like offense at the generalization of the word retard.
Linguisth

Linguistically speaking, this argument has no real basis. So, people that have assumed the homosexual identity can change the definition of words such as gay, but anybody who decides to use the same word in a different way cannot do it? That is utterly ridiculous.

What about all the people who had gay in their first or last name (I know a few). Some of these may be angry at the change of the word.

If people want to change the word to mean stupid, nonsensical, weird, unusual, abnormal, or anything else is completely acceptable. Words change meaning. Homosexuals did it. I can do it too. Deal with it.

And using the rainbow as a homosexual symbol? We’ll save that argument for a different time.
- http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=501439595 Evan C. Paul
  
  Linguistically, no. Socially, yes.
http://www.facebook.com/nerosbane Kate Dougherty

In response to this I will use this term rather than gay: queer. I will be using it with the actual defninition: 1.strange or odd from a conventional viewpoint; unusually different; singular: a queer notion of justice.
2.
of a questionable nature or character; suspicious; shady: Something queer about the language of theprospectus kept investors away.
3.
not feeling physically right or well; giddy, faint, or qualmish: to feel queer.
4.
mentally unbalanced or deranged.

“The peanut butter jar is empty! That’s queer.”

Oh, I’m sorry.. do you associate this word with homosexuality? Alas, that’s not what it means. My point is that words are words. Our language is entirely fluid and meanings for the same word can change from one moment to the next. Have you not had a conversation solely with the word “Dude”? I get that this is about bullying and use of derogatory words, but really? How about this for an overarching idea “Don’t be an asshole to each other.” Either way, people won’t change their minds until they want to. The homos I know (roommate and others) can be just as catty about each other as straights. No matter the term from whom or about whom or what; don’t be an asshole.
- Marina
  
  “People won’t change their minds until they want to” and the fact that us gay folk can be just as catty as you straight folk doesn’t make it okay to use a term for a community of people who already have a rough go at it as a pejorative. Ash’s talk was largely about the fact that lots of people use the word gay derogatorily without intending to be an asshole, merely out of laziness or having never given the matter thought.
  Of course words change. But sometimes we have to be intentional about how we use our words. Why should we use a word that could cause damage when it’s so simple to find another word (and usually one that more closely means what you’re trying to say)? Eliminating a single word usage from our vocabulary isn’t all that difficult, and it can make a world of difference to us crazy, catty gay people.
- http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=501439595 Evan C. Paul
  
  There is more to words than their disinterested linguistic denotations.
http://waldowsocial.com DJ Waldow

Awesome. Awesome. Awesome.
- cuteculturechick
  
  Thank you DJ. And thank you for sharing the graphic, both on our blog and amongst your circles. I, like you, believe that gay rights = human rights. Getting these conversations in the light of day are SO important.
idk

that was pretty gay
http://twitter.com/JJHula JJ Hula

this is great!
Eric

It’s missing the “Are you using it as an antiquated synonym for happy, such as ‘Don we now our gay apparrel’?”
- http://www.facebook.com/dirtypresley Daniel DaggerPuss Peeples
  
  Pretty sure that is what was meant when it was asked “are you describing their happiness?” and “really? Their happiness?”…
  - ak25
    
    He is talking about a “place or a thing”, not a person
john

this is the gayest fucking article
- http://www.facebook.com/joseph.lebaron Joseph LeBaron
  
  Troll.
http://www.facebook.com/rileyjohnwelsh Riley Welsh

Love seeing this from degreesearch.org. Thanks for educating the masses.